Harry Potter Spoof Script - with sticker additions

My daughter is a huge Harry Potter fan and wrote a spoof script to film with the family. I had asked her to write an article about wall decals or ipad covers and skins, but she wrote the spoof instead (kids!). When I asked her where the sticker article was, she got a playful look in her eyes and went off to the computer. This is the result. A Harry Potter spoof script with some random sticker and skin lines inserted. It’s weird and goofy, but I decided to post it anyway. So here it is….the Harry Potter Spoof Script!

Scene 1
Vernon: Come on, Dudley. We’ve got to go. Oh, yeah, did you burn those wall stickers of the Gryffindor crest like I asked you?

(car drives away – covered with car decals)

Rumble
Mad-eye: hello, harry
Hermione: oh, harry!
Ron: good to see you, mate! Hey, did you see the new wall sticker they made of you? You can see it on decalsandskins.com
Tonks: harry, guess what?
Mad-eye: okay, let’s get a move on. There’ll be time for small talk later. Right now, we’re gonna’ use polyjuice potion
Harry: NO! I won’t allow it!
Mad-eye: well I don’t care, so come on people, we don’t have all day
Fred: I hope you made the potion right. I don’t want to be stuck with having a scar on my face forever. Luckily wall decals are temporary so I can peel my Ron Weasly sticker off and move it to another room.
Bill: hey!
Fluer: don’t worry, sweetie. He’s just jealous.
Fred: no, I was just trying to defuse the tension
Next scene
Flying on brooms, harry sending spells backwards at deatheaters.
Bird dies
Harry: No!!!!!!!
Hagrid: there’s the burrow!
Crash land
molly: are you alright?
Lupin: George needs help!!!!
All the others arrive
Tonks: ron was fantastic! He really deserves to have a wall sticker of him
Harry: ron, Hermione hug me
Fred: are you alright georgie?
George: I feel……..saintlike. saintlike………….holey, get it?
Molly sobs
Bill: mad-eye’s dead
Lupin faints
Harry: what?
Hermione: (teary-eyed) he always seemed so strong, untouchable
Ron: he was, until he died
Hermione punches ron
Hermione: how can you be so mean? It’s one thing to laugh at my wall decal, but it’s another thing to joke about someone’s death.
Aurthur weasly: well, we have a wedding to plan!!!! And gifts to buy … maybe wall decals or phone skins?
Molly: come on, let’s get ready!
Harry: Yeah!!!!
Next scene
At wedding
Harry: hey, viktor
Ron turns around and looks at viktor
Ron: oh, hullo viktor. I never thought I would be honored by your presence again. If you don’t mind my asking, who invited you?
Viktor: fluer. I was in the triwizard tournament with her and your best friend, remember?
Hermione comes and sees viktor
Hermione: Oh, viktor! I never thought I would be honored by your presence again! I’m just so glad you’re here! (hugs viktor)
Ron: Hermione, let’s dance(grabs hermione’s hand and pulls her to dance-floor, starts dancing badly(sprinkler)
Viktor: are they together now or something?
Harry: yeah, I guess.. and just to let you know, there are wall stickers of Ron, Hermione and me, but none of YOU!
Viktor: vat about that girl over there? (nods towards ginny)
Harry: oh, she’s got a real great boyfriend, tough guy, wouldn’t want to mess with him.
Viktor: uuhhhh, vat is the point of being an internationally famous quittich player if all the good-looking girls are taken?
Harry: like I was saying, you need some wall decals of yourself if you want to be somebody
Bright light appears in room, says: the ministry has fallen, scrimingour is dead, they are coming
Everyone screams, ron, Hermione, harry disapparate
In random street
Ron: yes! Viktor is gone!
Hermione: you need to change, here’s some clothes
Harry: no need (unzips robe and throws it off, clothes are on underneath) shabam!
Ron: show-off
Death eater sneaks up on harry, he punches the guy without looking
Draco: nice one, potter
Harry: expelliarmous!
Wand flies out of Draco’s hand
Draco: seriously uncool, man.
Harry: why aren’t you at your manor, looking at those stupid slytherin banner wall stickers of yours, malfoy?
Draco: who’s malfoy? I’m just a vampire, I didn’t know there are witches and wizards. My name is Robert-Bobert pattinson, big fan, big fan. I even have those wall stickers of you!
Ron: huh?
Hermione: what are you doing here?
Bobert: I’m meeting with jasper to help him through these tough times
Ron: what tough times?
Bobert: wow, you’re really out of it. I guess wizards didn’t know Alice started dating a Jonas brother
Hermione: No!
Bobert: Yes! I’m helping jasper with his new self-esteem issues
Harry: well, good luck! Without a wall decal or even a bumper sticker, how is he going to feel good about himself?
Bobert: thanks dude! Oh, yeah. I have a question
Harry: what?
Bobert: why are you worried about you-know-who, when you should be worrying about you-know-poo?
Harry: cause poo isn’t fatal
Bobert: I know, right?
Harry: miss me high, hit me low! (high fives Bobert)
Hermione: dorks
Ron: I feel like I’ve been replaced!
Harry: well go home then! Hey, Bobert, want to replace Ron?
Bobert: no thanks, dude. I have to film breaking dawn. Maybe some other time!
3 of them walk down street
Crunch
Ron looks at something under foot
Ron: hey, guys. I think I found the locket. The horcrux!
Harry: great job, mate!
Hermione: okay, we can destroy it once I find the sword of Gryffindor in my bag, here it is
Harry: come on, stab it!
Ron stabs locket
Random girl runs out
Rg: my locket! You meanies! Sick ‘em Jackson!
dog comes running at them, ron screams in terror
They disaparrate.
Appear in woods
Ron: Hermione, I love you and all-as a sister, but where are we?
Hermione: well, Ronald. If you didn’t notice, we are in the forest where they held the quittich world cup
Harry: yeah Ronald, in your face
Harry and Hermione: Ace, ace, in your face!
Ron: hurtful!
In the tent that night
Hermione: ohmygosh, I just went on decalsandskins.com and ordered an eclipse skin! so, where are we going to find the real locket?
Ron: don’t look at me, I’m the dunce here!
Harry: I think we should start by looking for a rabbi
Ron: you mean R.A.B, right
Harry: yeah, whatever
Ron: this tent looks so drab and sad, we need to get out that wall sticker of the quibbler. I think it’s in the bag somewhere
Hermione: harry! Call kreacher!
Ron: who?
Hermione: his house-elf
Ron: oh yeah, I forgot
Harry: kreacher!
Crack
Kreacher: you called, master?
Ron: yeah, he did you idiot, now where’s the locket?
Hermione: Ronald! I will not tolerate that kind of language!
Harry: never mind them, I bet mundungus took it. Okay, kreacher. I need you to bring me mundungus Fletcher.
Kreacher: is that an order?
Ron: of course it is, you filthy elf, now go!
Crack
Hermione punches ron
Ron: ow! What was that for?
Hermione: you know exactly what that was for!
Ron: no, what?
hermione: oh, you know what it was for
harry: stop. Poker time.
Lady gaga’s poker face starts playing and they all dance in sync to it.
Random person walks in
Rp: I love me a good tin man (walks out)
Hermione: weird!
Ron and harry: totally
Next scene
Just came to new woods
Harry: I’ll do the protective enchantments this time, Hermione. You can go put up the tent and stick the fatheads on the walls.
Hermione: thanks, harry! some of these are not fatheads, they’re from the WB Shop
Ron: I’ll help
Hermione: I’d rather you not
Harry: oh, burn!
Hermione: sorry, ron. It’s just that you’re a bit of a dunce, like hagrid.
Justin bieber appears
Justin b: true dat!
Hermione: oh, my gosh, it’s the guy who inspired the bieber fever!
Ron: not inspired, created. He is a legend, there’s even a movie about him (and soon a complete line of horrid wall decals, phone skins and ipad cases)
Harry: whatever bustin jieber(ron and Hermione gasp) why do you know about magic?
Justin: dude, I’m just that awesome. The new headmaster, snape, loves my music, and he changed the symbol of hufflepuff from a badger to a beaver, or me. I’m part beaver!
Hermione: they changed the wall decal of the hufflepuff crest for you?
Justin: yeah, man. This is top secret, okay. My security guard, usher, told me not to tell anybody I’m half beaver. Oh, yeah. They changed the ravenclaw crest, it now has usher’s face on it. I’m not supposed to tell you, but I know I can trust you guys. Later!
He disappears
Hermione pulls out laptop (with Dallas Cowboys laptop skin neatly applied)
Ron: what are you doing?
Hermione: I’m gonna’ tweet it
Next scene
Harry: let’s go to godric’s hollow, godric Gryffindor, dumbledor, and my parents lived there
Hermione: don’t forget bathilda bagshot
Ron: I don’t want to go!
Harry: okay, bye! I guess you don’t get a dumbledore wall decal souvenir, then.
Ron leaves
Hermione run after him then starts crying
Hermione starts listening to the song, baby. harry gets up and dances badly with her
Hermione: let’s go to godric’s hollow!
Next scene
Harry and Hermione are walking out side, wearing coats
Bathilda bagshot walks up to them
Bathilda: yo
Harry; hi! Big fan, big fan!
Hermione: I love a history of magic!
Bathilda nods: I know, right. It’s kind of my thing
Hermione nods eagerly
Snake comes out of bathilda’s mouth, knocks down harry and Hermione, they scream
Harry: that’s so creepy and cool at the same time!
Hermione: I want to take a picture of that so I can make a custom fathead with it!
Harry: I want an ipad skin!

The end